I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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