the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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