I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
