you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
