dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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