So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
