Just cropdusted the office
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
