Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
time to smoke my breakfast
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't turn off my feet"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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