We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
