i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
