totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
