either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
