Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
