oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
