Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
