OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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