What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
