New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
