Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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