I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
