i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
