You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ladies don't puke and tell
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
