There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
