Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
