Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
