Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
