I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
