Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
