Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
