WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
And then he peed in my hair
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