My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
