dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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