The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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