haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
