if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
