my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
