Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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