it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
