it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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