For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
