My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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