But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
