Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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