also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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