When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
