my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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