They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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