I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
