tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dicks are not precious.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
