Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
