Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
