So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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