whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
