Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
