I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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